when the time comes

it's been a week since mek died.
haemorhaggic stroke, if you're wondering.

i wasn't entirely upset about the death (being in medical field, i know the prognosis), but more upset that i couldn't be there for the living souls that she left behind. that's the fallback of living abroad. living far from your family.

......................................

and today, it's time for tipah to go. she's been with me for two years and now she's too old to carry on. people and friends come and go, but she's always been there for me.

perhaps, i should stop getting too close or attach to anyone and anything.

towards the end of 2006

here we are again, towards the end of another year.a lot had happened in 2006. some of them were great, some were disaster. i graduated, after spending 5 boring years in medical school. i am now earning....no more "makan maggie" because i have to save a few pennies and no more searching under the pillows and mattress hoping, i would find couples of syillings to buy food. no more eating only nasik goreng for 5 consecutives days because all i have in the kitchen were rice and cooking oil.

and in august, our first wedding anniversary. god knows how hard it is for us (as we still live apart), but we managed. yes, the differences between us are not getting any smaller, but i guess, the vow that we took made us accepting each other more easily, rather than trying to change each other into somebody else.

but life is not all rosy. since moving into the hospital residency, all my friends seem to be so far away while the fact is, they are only 20 minutes away from this quite place. everything have changed. K has gone back to Malaysia for good. S and E are now officially divorced and M has moved to his hospital residency. the only thing that hasn't changed is my feeling towards A. I still hate her and could not stand her "i-am-not-in-love-with-K" lie.when u live so far away from your family, u seek solace in the presence of your friends. yes, i do not have many friends, but the few that i have, i treasured. so when this kind of shit happens i.e. your friends change, i feel totally lost. i feel more and more like an outsider rather than a friend who used to hold your hands when u are facing the big-D (divorce).

that's why i've decided to offer myself to work over the christmas and new year. otherwise this year holiday time would probably be the worst event in my 2006 year. i know that i have to try to get use with all the changes around me. but knowing myself, i know it's not gonna be easy, and it is deffinitely not going to be any sooner. i need time to sink everything in. i need time to accept that my good friend is now befriending the bitch that we used to bitch about. i need time to stop myself from asking "why didn't she introduce me to her new boyfriend?". i need time to stop all the "why-s".

and for the first time, i can't wait for the new year to come. or maybe...i just can't wait to put everything behind me.

crossing waters, the middle passage

it's brouhaha international street festival time, here in liverpool.
and thanks to ewin, i managed to see tonite's performance for free!

it was part of the 'one worls one stage' programme. and this particular one was about human traffic and the transatlantic slave trade.

graduation day 060706

broke

being a doctor...oh well, people tought u earn loads of money.

so how come as soon as i got that front title, i am as broke as a piecrust??

first, i have to pay that stupid GMC registration fee. 100 quid gone.
then, the visa, another 500 gone.
and i haven't started earning yet.

thank god hub was willing to help his hopeless wife.

still, i am skint. as my attempts to survive these couple of weeks before hub donates my next month allowance, i;

1) haven't sent Tipah to garage. tersadai kat tepi jalanla jawabnyer kete aku tuh

2) have been walking loads!! baguslah...leh kurus skit.

3) eat whatever left in the house. arinih masak sambal tumis ikan bilis satu kuali, konon2 untuk makan seminggu, boley?

4) stop makan luar. even stop my frequent lepak2,minum2 sessions with friends.

5) decline any invitation to cultural performance around liverpool. only say yes to the ones with no tickets.

and these are things that i wish i could do to earn couple of extra quids:

1) basking. jadik seniman jalanan. dpt 2 pound pun dah lepas beli ayam. tp tader bakat, camno?

2) sell all the knickknacks i have

3) be an adult chat operator. haha. boley ker?

jeng jeng jeng

dreamspace - liverpool